Elephant Medicine

by Walker Vreeland

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by Walker Vreeland 〰️

So far, 2022 hasn’t given me much rest. I got labs done this week and the results showed that my Bilirubin (major liver enzyme) has jumped way up. So my liver doctor has ordered an MRI— stat, for this afternoon. This could mean there’s a stricture in a bile duct, or…who knows. Honestly at this point, I’m so exhausted from being terrified all the time that I’m almost able to laugh at all of it. Almost, but not quite. What does help is to remember that whatever comes my way, I can handle it. I’ll cut anyone or anything who tries to kill me. This is not aggression as much as it’s remembering who I am. I have an incredibly strong life force, a red hot, sizzling will to live and a to-do list, not made up of obligation but work that stirs my spirit. I once dreamt that I was floundering alone in a lake in the pitch black of night until an elephant appeared beneath me in the water, arose to the surface, lifted me up on its back and swam me through this vast, still body of water as I held on, resting my head against its neck. If that’s not a sign of vitality and magic I don’t know what is. And this is how I have to think about my situation or else I’ll spiral into panic or wrap myself into a self-soothing, comforting cocoon of depression. I’m in awe of life, its mystery and miracles. I BELIEVE in the power of purpose and goodness and intentional love, and I am humbled by the kindness and support that has surrounded me so far this year. Life is hard for all of us but I believe in those three, simple prayers Anne Lamott uses to come through tough times: Help, Thanks, Wow.